Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
