my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Will exercising make me less horny?
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