I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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