What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
