can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize
