He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
