come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So many bounce houses so little time
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
