come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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