She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
