FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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