Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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