I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
