dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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