Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize