do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
