Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
