i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
