My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
