mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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