Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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