let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so let's talk penis.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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