names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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