I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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