is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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