We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
