You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
