I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
