I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
