did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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