I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
