She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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