Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
