I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
