Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
