we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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