Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
