this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Can I color on your dick again?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
