Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
