Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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