You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
