Need sex. Gaining weight.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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