How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
