Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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