It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Send help, water and tortillas.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize