you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
