Redeem this text for a blowjob
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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