i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
