can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
