Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
