your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
