i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
