i think my mom watched the whole time
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
