I bet he comes in French.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
