i permit you to call me
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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