i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
