He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
