Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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