I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
