could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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