so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
