he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
