Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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