He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
