Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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