ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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