try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
