I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
