My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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