How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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