Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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